Hidden from the world here in my own secret space, I only have a single goal for 2023: to read one book per month.
I know that's actually a pretty small, achievable goal, especially if I count things like poetry collections and graphic novels as "books", but 2022 was a year full of disappointments and depression so I want to set an easy goal I might achieve- or crush- without too much pressure.
This year I experienced a lot of beautiful moments (a week with my ladies in Vermont, many trips with David that were peaceful and fun, time spent drinking tea and talking with Mom, finally finding a therapist who GETS it, etc.) but there was also the overwhelming oppressive sensation of longing. I hated my job, I hated the way my body felt and looked, I hated feeling stupid and incapable when my intelligence had always been my one strong foundational pillar to my self esteem. I felt crumbled and broken by the end and now facing the new year I have the opportunity to experience a true renaissance! A new job awaits in two weeks, I will be turning 37 which is insane to think about and doesn't even feel real, and a full year of possibility stretches out before me.
So I am keeping it simple this time. No huge goals. No high pressure. No intensity. Just low stress, healing, resting, reflecting. I want to create more, but won't put any standards on what that means. I want to become healthier but will judge that entirely by how I feel and experience the world.
My only measurable metric will be the books. I have Scribd on the computer/phone, I have stacks of books in my room, I have access to archives of millions of books online...I can do that. I can start and complete one book a month this year and review them here, in order to both get back into the habit of writing and get back into the habit of reading. I think much of my problem this year was the feeling of being trapped, of lacking an escape or a way to release my mind from the grip of the reality that consumed me. It was oppressive and reading has always been immersive in a way that nothing else is for me.
So here's to old fashioned escapism, and here's to a 2023 with more worlds to uncover!
Also, since no one will be reading this blog, I may also use it to review TV shows, movies, and other media just for the practice. In the end, it might be nice to have one year where I actually document my life instead of letting it slowly pass by in a haze.
I am deeply lucky. I am loved, I am safe, I am alive. Even if the world collapses around me this year, I will face it all as a challenge and an adventure rather than a threat or a burden.
2023, show me what you got!